I Am Psychic

I would just like to let everyone know that I am psychic.

Why you might ask?

Because I no longer have a date tonight.

Shocking. And people wonder why I never get my hopes up. It's better not to care, and then you'll never be disappointed.

Procrastinating...

I have a physics exam in three hours and what am I doing? Not studying. Normally, that would be fine, but I haven't really studied at all soooo I should probably not be typing this right now. Unfortunately, I can't help that I really (x infinity) hate physics. It's the worst subject in the world, and whoever invented it should be shot...I think it was Newton but he's dead anyway so I guess that would be pointless. I'm the lone chemistry major thrown into a class jam packed with socially awkward engineers. Granted, there are a few who break the very true stereotype and are actually what I would consider normal, given the circumstances, but they are few and far between. Of course, it's not like I have a whole lot of room to talk, considering I chose a major where I study chemical reactions and orbitals all day...details. Hopefully, I didn't offend anyone with my lack of enjoyment towards physics, but I have a feeling that most people would agree with me that it is a horrible subject. And if you haven't taken it yet? Cross your fingers and hope you never have to because it is lame.

Anyway, I do have some good news! I mean, it doesn't really affect you in any way, but I'm very excited to share it nonetheless. Last week I complained about my lack of love life and how I'm destined to be alone living with a bunch of felines that I don't even like, but I have a little beacon of hope in the form of a date tonight...ish. There's a guy that I hadn't gotten to talk to for a long time because he's been busy with med school (awesome), which is completely understandable. I think chemistry is near impossible, so I can't imagine how difficult medical school classes are. But we're going to see a movie or something tonight, so I am hoping that this works out well. I'm finally going to get to spend time with a guy that I am actually interested in, instead of the guys that I don't care about yet feel the need to practically worship the ground I walk on. I wouldn't mind that so much if it wasn't so irritating. Of course, in the back of my mind I am imagining how he's probably going to cancel on me or something because that is what almost always happens when I have the potential to have a date with a guy I actually would like to go out with. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that all goes well because this is a really good opportunity for me. I'll let you guys know how it all goes.

In the meantime, I should probably get back to studying so I don't fail quite as badly as is expected.

Oh, and I'm starting the ABC again today so if anyone would like to join let me know! Hint hint: Arii? I'm making it past day two this time...I'm much more motivated AND I think I'm going to buy some diet pills after my physics exam. It will be my little treat for completing a horrendous and incredibly boring test! Good thing it's only 48 minutes long.

Lent!!!!

Today is Ash Wednesday, and I am one happy camper. Unfortunately, I partook in an epic binge yesterday as it was rightly called "Fat Tuesday" or Mardi Gras. But the good thing is that I gave up chocolate for Lent, so I am not prone to bingeing over the Lenten period because my binges almost always circle around chocolate or are at least provoke by cookie dough ice cream. Additionally, Ash Wednesday, as well as Good Friday, are the two days of the year that you are expected to fast. That's right! It is ACCEPTABLE to actually not eat...every day should be this glorious! I am going to try to keep the fast going if possible, and once I fail, I am starting the ABC. I figure that since the ABC diet is 50 days and Lent is about 47 or so (they don't include Sundays in the classic 40 day count), then the diet would be the perfect plan. Priests often say that it is good to give something up and/or do something in addition. Obviously, this is not what they had in mind but whatever. I have to go catch a bus to get to class now, but I will check in later at my first chance because I have more to say.

Happy fasting day!

Home

I'm home for the weekend since I had nothing better to do over Valentine's Day weekend. Usually when I come home, I eat horribly and binge because I see it as a vacation almost. But I'm not letting that happen this time. I refuse to. My goal is to have lost three pounds by Monday since it'll have been about three days. I try to average a weight loss of one pound per day...obviously that will plateau but hasn't yet fortunately!

I've eaten some pineapple for breakfast and had some greek yogurt with blackberries for lunch. It's less than 250 calories, but sadly I don't know the exact number. It isn't a whole lot, I guess, but I feel disgusting anyway. When I've eaten, even if it isn't much, I still am reminding that I would weigh less if I hadn't eaten it at all. It's really frustrating, and I honestly don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to eat at all. I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to a permanent fast...at least until I binge (which obviously isn't ideal).

I had one more thing to mention...I'm Catholic, and Lent starts this coming Wednesday. Does anyone have any good ideas of things to give up? I've thought about chocolate, but it worries me that I'll end up bingeing the day before or as soon as Lent is over. And then I've thought about diet pop, which would be good because if I binged on it then it's still zero calories...but I drink it so much! And if I gave up chocolate, then one or two days of bingeing is probably still better with the >40 days without it, right? Help!

A Pat on the Back

I'm planning on leaving a longer post later probably, especially since I'll be camped out around my apartment all day...leaving me prone to deep thoughts. So I apologize ahead of time if long posts irritate anyone because I can be very apt to rambling sometimes. Regardless, I just wanted to express my excitement about successfully avoiding a binge last night. My roommate and her friend came back with two pints of ice cream (Ben & Jerry's), donuts, and, of course, alcohol. Fortunately, I pretty much only like Half Baked ice cream because it has cookie dough and brownie pieces and is pretty much godly ambrosia in the form of ice cream. Also, I don't like donuts, but the temptation was still there right in front of me. However, I was strong and didn't want to ruin my 430 calorie day, so what was a girl to do? Well, I discovered my fail proof plan that has a 100 percent success rate so far at preventing binges that tend to happen after dinner and late at night. My plan? I went to bed...at 9 o'clock. So now I am well rested, two pounds lighter (yes, that's right, TWO pounds!!!!), and in a fantastic mood. So I hope everyone else's day starts out as amazing as mine has.

Rejection

I received notice that I was rejected from yet another internship. It's odd that companies tell you "congratulations"...on applying, but then they continue to tell you that they don't believe your qualifications meet their standards. I wasn't really upset about it, though, because I assumed that I wouldn't get the position when I applied. That's probably not the best perspective, but it was an electronic application so it's not like they were aware of my pessimism. Maybe I will get lucky and manage to find something to do this summer other than work in a cafe, but I'm not holding my breath.

Right now I am sitting on my couch watching Paula Deen cook up outrageously fattening dishes. They look good, I guess, but I'm not really one for southern homestyle cooking. I prefer Italian cuisine...or sushi. But I just think Paula is so adorable that I watch her anyway, all the while cringing when she puts in an entire stick of butter...or a cup of mayonnaise (which I think she's about to do since it's coleslaw, ew). Oh wait! Only half a cup...my bad. Moving on, I wonder if I just like to watch the food network because it almost makes me feel less deprived. Although sometimes this habit backfires and makes me start craving ice cream. Fortunately, I'm just not in the mood right now. I just ate a salad that was probably around 200 calories because of that damn cheese. I thought about going through and picking out all the cheese, but sadly, I was too lazy. I regret that now, especially since I also had oatmeal for lunch. That puts me around 430 calories! Ridiculous. Why am I so gross?!

I just haven't felt pretty in such a long time, and it's frustrating. I'm sure part of the problem is the fact that Valentine's Day is this weekend, and while I've already ranted about it, I just can't get it off my mind. In addition, my knee is destroying me. I have yet to figure out exactly what's wrong with it, but I see the doctor again on Tuesday. This has been going on since September, and you'd think that someone would have figured out the problem by now! Rest is clearly not the solution because I can't walk right now, let alone work out. I really hate not being able to burn off the food I've been eating. I would be so much thinner if I could. As soon as the weather warms up, I am going to go swim laps. I would do so inside, of course, so you might wonder why I'm not doing that now (other than my knee that feels like it's about to fall off). Since I live off campus at college, I don't want to have to deal with walking around for about twenty minutes after swimming with a wet head. And jumping into a cold pool just doesn't sound appealing when I'm trudging through snow all day. You'd think the rolls covering my body would motivate me, but maybe that's what's keeping me out of a swimsuit too...

Does anyone have any great plans for the weekend? I love seeing all the cute heart candies and whatnot around this time of year, even though I hate Valentine's Day. I'm a bitter, single girl, I admit it.

It's Official: I Am Disgusting

I had pizza and ice cream yesterday, and I have no idea why. That makes the third out of the past four days that I have binged. But strangely enough, I somehow only gained two pounds? I was fully expecting the worst when I stepped on the scale this morning, but I was relieved that I can pick myself back up and stop my bingeing...even though I haven't figure out how to do that quite yet. My biggest problem is when it is late at night and I haven't gone to bed because I start eating random things at that point. I really need to get back on a better sleep schedule (as in, go to bed at 9). I always feel so much more revived and put together. It is as if I am afraid of the next day, and I stay up late to put off the inevitable. There's nothing that I really need to worry about this week, and I am looking forward to the weekend so shouldn't I go to bed sooner so it comes faster? Obviously yes, so I don't know what I've been doing for the past few days.

I'm fasting today to get back on track, so I had better lose weight tomorrow! To ensure that this happens, I took a diet pill this morning as my breakfast and will have the second one for lunch. I don't like feeling this disgusting and fat, and it needs to change. I mean, I always feel disgusting and fat, but at least when I feel faint and dizzy in addition, I know that the fatness is potentially being reduced. There's just something comforting about hearing your stomach growl because then, when I feel like nothing else is working out, I know that I am good at one thing...losing weight. That sounds horrible, but I'm sure a lot of people know what I'm talking about, right?

Also, I would like to thank everyone for their positive feedback on my dating rant. I was feeling deep apparently, and I am so relieved to know that I'm not the only one who has this problem. Maybe one day it will change, but I tend to fall back into my habits every time. Just when I think that I will actually say yes and ate someone...I say no at the last minute. And of course, whenever I meet a guy that I actually like, I get excited, mention it to my mom (who obviously gets her hopes up haha), and then I say that it doesn't matter because it won't work out anyway. I see every potential dating opportunity with a guy that actually interests me as doomed to fail because thus far in my life that has been my experience. And I have yet to be proven wrong...I'm not even really disappointed anymore when things fail before they begin because I always expect it. It's a sad mindset, but I can't help it.