Friday, December 30, 2011

The Things They Say And The Things We Hear

I received one of the greatest compliments, in my opinion, from a friend a few weeks ago.  Well, I suppose one wouldn't necessarily consider it a compliment persay, but I appreciated it all the same.  The context of the story was me mentioning to my friend that my recent foot problems were caused by me being, apparently, incredibly pigeon-toed.  As a baby, I even had those shoes with the bar in between to fix the problem.  Clearly that didn't quite work.  At least being pigeon-toed is better than the latter, walking around with your feet pointing outwards and looking awkward.  Now I'm getting sidetracked.  What my friend commented was, "You're so adorably flawed."

Now, some people might not appreciate that, but I did.  Being told I'm perfect all the time is exhausting.  It forces me to try to live up to this high expectation that other people invariably set for me, and it frustrates me when I know that I'm not as perfect as they seem to believe.  Obviously.  I'm a bit of a mess on the inside and on my arms, though they're covered in silk and lace.  What I loved was being told that I'm not perfect, but I'm loved anyway.  And this is why this particular friend has been the only one that I open up to (sometimes) and the one that I want to keep in my life.  It's nice to know that even though I screw up, cause problems, and have no conscience, I still have someone who cares about me.

People say things that they think will have positive reactions, but we often hear their words differently.  I frequently hear something firsthand and then hear a retelling secondhand, and the stories never match up.  Somewhere there's a disconnect between our ears and their mouth...actually that disconnect is called air.  It's the space between us, and the space that separates us.  It's the gap that clearly shows the differences between our minds and bodies, and it's the reason that we can't communicate our thoughts in a way that they're received properly.  Of course, it will always be there, and personally, I somehow have a disconnect between my brain and just about everything else in reality.

My friend will never know how much she means to me, but I don't think there will ever be someone like her.  I know that I don't mean nearly as much to her, but that's okay.  Because even though I'm flawed...someone thinks I'm adorable.

1 comment:

  1. Hey there :)
    I found your blog about a month ago, and thought I should finally say hello. This particular post I completely agree with. I feel the same way with my friends. I find your writing inspiring, poetic, yet also piercingly truthful.
    I also suffer an eating disorder, so no judgement there. I'm not quite sure of who I am yet, but you can call me noelle.
    My email is if you would like to contact me. I am one friend who would be happy to hear your voice :)
    xx noelle