Wednesday, September 22, 2010


I wrote several poems last night while I couldn't sleep sooo I'm posting two of them.  They came to me without much thought...maybe insomnia should be my new muse.  Enjoy:

the shadows passing in the evening light,
the moon creeping in to take the night.
the face appears to haunt your dreams,
to laugh and mock your habitual sleep.
the devilish sound, it reaches your ears,
stealing your bliss to awaken your tears.
gone is your rest and lost is your peace
til the breaking dawn ends the devilish feast.

the sunlight beats down from an open sky,
burning my skin while i refuse to cry.
i curl inward to ignore blatant pain,
pretending i'm calm, still somewhat sane.
but the voices don't stop screaming inside.
i'm the one thing from which i can't hide.
i'd like to tame this self made dark beast,
but i doubt i will ever know such release.
it does not do to dwell on these dreams
when a dream is all and all it will be.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

It's a sign...

So I didn't write any poems today, but I probably will tomorrow between classes.  But when I got home from work and exercising, I began bingeing on chex mix and tic tacs?  Ugh...lame.  I should still be under 1500 calories, so at least my past two days of bingeing haven't been detrimental...but I'm obviously not pleased.

Fortunately, I have classes tomorrow, so that should take up a lot of my time.  I'm about to go to bed since I'm so tired from not sleeping last night.  I was plagued by strange nightmares; my mind can be very creative sometimes.  There was actually an albino tarantula in my strange.

But the reason I titled this quick post ("quick" because I need to go to sleep) what I did is because the power is out in most of my city, and the UDF around the corner was closed.  That meant that my sudden chocolate craving could not be satiated, preventing my progressing binge from getting out of hand.  I think that the power outage was therefore a sign that I shouldn't be bingeing...I just hope power comes back on soon because I want to be able to purchase coffee places.  Somehow my apartment still has electricity and everything; it's very fortunate.

So goodnight ladies, keep up the good work, and I will report on my adventures in more detail tomorrow...and maybe there will actually be a poem!

Awww I love you all!

I just wanted to say how much I love getting comments, and it was nice to know that you were glad I posted again.  I just assumed people would have forgotten about me, but it made me smile to see I was wrong.  I've been in a lot better of a mood lately, which will probably be obvious in my posts.  I think they were getting more depressing by the day this summer, and I can't even reread them.  Sometimes it's a little frightening how dark my thoughts turn.

Sadly, however, I binged on fiber one bars a few hours ago?  Granted, I still consumed less than 1500 calories, which is considered a normal amount I think for people.  So hopefully I won't have logically gained weight, but the fiber one bars are going to destroy my stomach...which is why I haven't gone to sleep yet.  I'm a little nervous about how terrible I'm going to feel tomorrow as a result.  I need to work, drink tons of coffee (and maybe a red bull because I really want one right now), and then work out.  No margaritas tomorrow for me, as I had originally planned, especially because the guy I've liked forever will be in town this weekend.  I'd like to look pretty for him!

I think I'm going to distract myself tomorrow at work by writing some poems and perhaps bring my computer with me.  If I come up with a really good one (that isn't ridiculously depressing...although it most likely will be...can't help it!), then I'll post it.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Okay okay I'm back

Sorry for my obnoxiously long absence.  I really can't explain it, but now I have sooo much to update you on.

I finally moved into a new apartment a week ago, and my college classes start this week.  It's been really nice being at school with friends, and I hope my social life will improve greatly this year.  I've gone out a few times now, and let's just say I need to redeem myself one of these days.  My game plan each night?  Waking up in my own at least I had a lot of fun.

I'm munching on a fiber one bar, the first thing I've eaten today.  I worked out earlier for over an hour and burned 602 calories on the elliptical before doing some crunches.  I'm hoping that if I do really well during the week (not eating much and working out a lot), then I won't be hindered too much by my drinking excursions on the weekends.  At least not eating too much makes it so you don't have to drink as much for it to affect you!  Of course...then I make poor decisions haha