Sick

I've had a cold for the past few days.  I hate having something stupid like a cold; I'd rather have the flue since that at least makes you lose weight...even though I've been losing it anyway.  My jeans from high school are actually legitimately baggy now.  YAY!

I had soup for dinner tonight and then went out for ice cream, which ultimately brought my caloric intake to nearly 1500!  Tragic.  Therefore, I had to go work out to burn it off for at least an hour.  Instead, when I got home I emptied the entire content of my stomach, soup and all, since I figured that would help...and then worked out for 50 minutes anyway.  Smooth move since I have a sore throat already.  My actions defy logic most of the time.

I'm going to bed early, even though I slept almost 12 hours last night, and hopefully I'll feel a little better tomorrow.  We shall see.  Also, I really really want to go shopping, mainly for jewelry since that can't make me look fat (I hope).  I can't wait until I'm really skinny, if that will ever happen.  Another 30 pounds may do the trick.  Or 20...or 50...

Rough Mornings

This morning I woke up and felt absolutely terrible, as though I had been hit by a car.  It was probably because I had very little to eat for several days, had only a few greens beans and tons of wine yesterday, and had no water.  Drinking on an empty stomach is never a good idea, but how else would I do it?  I literally had to sit down when I took a shower and rest because I was so exhausted and shaky.  And while it feels terrible, I still want to feel that again...minus the hangover.  There's something really special about feeling miserable from a lack of food because you feel the success in the numbness of your fingertips, the coldness of your body, and the soreness in your legs.  I'll get it again soon.

Moving on, I'm planning on telling the guy I'm "having dinner with on occasion" that I don't want a relationship.  I feel bad, but we're just too different in terms of values.  There's certain things that I think you need to agree on, and if you don't then you're simply not compatible.  And that's how I feel.  Crossing my fingers it goes well...ugh.