I've still been steadily losing weight, thank god, but I have no idea how much. I've been judging my loss visually rather than numerically because I feel that if I step on the scale I will be disappointed...no matter what the number says. So...I'm just going to continue to boycott the scale.
I'm going home again today, and my mom and I are going shopping tomorrow apparently. She's decided that I need some new clothes (yet I'm pretty sure I'm buying). This is one of those rare moments where my mom actually wants to take me shopping, so I suppose I should just be grateful and stop questioning her motives. I'm a suspicious person though. She even asked me if I have...(drumroll)..."going out clothes"! What is this world coming to where a mother asks her daughter if she has apparel suitable for going to bars? Good Lord. She also wants me to go on a date.
I'd like to mention that I finally used my 21 year old i.d. and bought my first legal drink. Sadly, they didn't ask for my i.d...which is probably why turning 21 wasn't going to make much of a difference in my life since I seemed to weasel my way illegally into bars before anyway. But I guess no I don't have to have that minor worry in the back of my mind of getting caught...kind of takes away the thrill though.
And just a little note, I would like Arii to text this little lady because she's starting to worry...donde esta chica?
Friday, July 9, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Can't Sleep
I must say, if anyone needs to stay awake for several days, they should just stop eating because a lack of food quickly yields insomnia. I've known this for a long time, but I just thought I'd mention it again anyway. Here I am, in the darkness of my room, trying to figure out ways to fall asleep and stay that way...and clearly failing.
Today (or technically yesterday since it's 2am), I had some strawberries, lettuce with fat free italian dressing, and a scoop of ice cream. I don't know my calorie count, but I was under 1000 cals. Normally I shoot for about 500 or less, but when I'm at my parents house I tend to binge so I've raised it slightly to prevent such a catastrophe. One of my new plans to keep myself occupied has been laying out at the pool because I can drink diet coke all day long and never eat when I'm in a swimsuit...never even tempted. I've always been that way, which was probably why the summer I was a lifeguard was hell. That was also the summer my eating disorder started. I would be on duty for 8 hours sometimes and never touch an ounce of food. It's a good thing no children started drowning because I'd probably have been too weak to save them. I remember that was also when my friends started noticing me getting skinnier (according to them), but I only remember feeling ridiculously fat even though I wasn't.
I'd also like to mention that finding a swimsuit the other day? Practically impossible. For one thing, most of them are already gone since it's so late in the season, but the other problem is that I have rather large boobs and a bubble butt. And of course, since those two items are the main things covered in a swimsuit, that makes it difficult to shop for one. Most of the bikinis were triangles or strapless, and I really needed a halter for the support. It took several hours before I was able to get one! It's decent looking, black and white polka dots, and the bottoms are slightly loose (which I like) so there's no muffin topness going on. If only my upper region would shrink again...scratch that, if only my entire body would shrink!!!!!
Today (or technically yesterday since it's 2am), I had some strawberries, lettuce with fat free italian dressing, and a scoop of ice cream. I don't know my calorie count, but I was under 1000 cals. Normally I shoot for about 500 or less, but when I'm at my parents house I tend to binge so I've raised it slightly to prevent such a catastrophe. One of my new plans to keep myself occupied has been laying out at the pool because I can drink diet coke all day long and never eat when I'm in a swimsuit...never even tempted. I've always been that way, which was probably why the summer I was a lifeguard was hell. That was also the summer my eating disorder started. I would be on duty for 8 hours sometimes and never touch an ounce of food. It's a good thing no children started drowning because I'd probably have been too weak to save them. I remember that was also when my friends started noticing me getting skinnier (according to them), but I only remember feeling ridiculously fat even though I wasn't.
I'd also like to mention that finding a swimsuit the other day? Practically impossible. For one thing, most of them are already gone since it's so late in the season, but the other problem is that I have rather large boobs and a bubble butt. And of course, since those two items are the main things covered in a swimsuit, that makes it difficult to shop for one. Most of the bikinis were triangles or strapless, and I really needed a halter for the support. It took several hours before I was able to get one! It's decent looking, black and white polka dots, and the bottoms are slightly loose (which I like) so there's no muffin topness going on. If only my upper region would shrink again...scratch that, if only my entire body would shrink!!!!!
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