Before my mind shuts off...

I thought I should post before my brain completely dies...I just got home from the chemistry computer lab about 30 minutes ago after being there for nearly 12 hours...it sucked.  So I drank a lot of coke zero, red bull, coffee, and sadly, binged.  Fortunately, I'm almost done with my papers, and I haven't shut down yet, though I'm sensing that will be happening within the next few hours.  Basically I just stopped home so that I could shower, redo makeup so I don't look like a zombie, and put on fresh clothes.  All nighters really do suck sometimes (or all the time, really).

This entire weekend is going to be dedicated to studying physical chemistry, which is hell.  Normally chemistry is just terrible to study for in general, but the king of evil in this subject matter is by far pchem.  Sure, people complain about organic chemistry all the time, but that's only because so many people have to take it since it's required for medical school and a lot of other majors.  Very few people get the, um, privelege(?) to take physical chemistry, so you hear less about it.  My advice?  Dont' take it...because you're seriously delusional if you think you want an in depth look into the motion of subatomic particles.

So my game plan for today is to drink lots of coffee and calorie free (AND HIGHLY CAFFEINATED) beverages and maybe have sushi for lunch/dinner as my only meal.  I get off work at 5:30 pm, at which point I will come home and sleep.  I have a big day of stuyding ahead of me tomorrow, and I want an early start and a fresh brain...and an empty stomach.  Personally, I find studying easier on an empty stomach, especially when dealing with finals since you sleep less with malnutrition.  But really, if you want to add more hours to your day stop eating and you'll naturally stay awake longer.  And I'm rambling in my manic state and lack of sleep and whatnot so gots to go...I'll update more logically tomorrow.

Ahhh school

Why is it that I have so much shit to do and not enough time to do it?  I don't think I can even begin to properly express how much I wish life had a remote control so that I could just fast forward the next week and a half and pretend like finals are over.  At least I have one tomorrow so I'll have one out of the way, and I can see the finish line even if it feels like forever and like I have to go through hell to get there.

I also saw the first snow today...granted it was really only a few snowflakes for a very brief amount of time, but beggars can't be choosers.  I do live in Ohio, after all, and we just don't get that much snow (or at least, not as much as I would like).  It's also great to know that it's officially December, which makes the Christmas season feel more legit.  Personally, I think December is the best month of the year.  What's not to love about it?  Except for December 25th...that's a dark day in my book.  That probably sounds strange but think about it:  Christmas Day means that Christmas is over.  I love the holiday season not the day itself.  I feel like Christmas Day around noonish is extremely depressing because the gifts under the tree are gone, the tree has served its purpose, and soon the decorations will be gone.  I get this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach and always get the feeling I want to cry.  I suddenly feel like I've lost my purpose, and my reindeer slippers (which have bells and are duck taped on the bottoms since they're ancient...stole them from my mom) will no longer be acceptable.  Although, I'm not sure if they're ever really acceptable, but I love them anyway so...

Also, I think I'm back to my pre Thanksgiving weight.  I'd check to see how my velvet pants fit, but I just painted my nails black and they're still a little wet.  I probably shouldn't be typing, but that and putting on tight pants have drastically different repercussions to drying nails.  Fortunately I'm typing with the pads of my fingers so no damage done yet.  The black polish has a glossy overcoat, and my nails look almost like an extremely dark purple instead but I think that's because of the lighting.  Maybe when I go outside the color will be more obvious.  It's strange that I've wanted black nails for so long...I'm not a gothic or emo or punk kind of person, so it looks just more...chic?  I'm a big fashion kind of person and can't think of the last time I wore a tshirt even.  So anyway, I need to go to the library and search for the book I need for my final tomorrow.  I'm displaying my epic procrastination skills...I'm talented.

I'm Back

Hey, everyone, I'm back and with internet service.  I actually had service in Chicago but barely...it would only work every once in a while and was very slow so I didn't really try to use it.  I did really well in the beginning, but I crashed and burned after a while.  Thanksgiving has too much food, and all activities seem to revolve around it.  It's quite irritating, but I think that with a little hard work I'll be back to normal in a few days.  I only gained a few pounds, and probably no one else would notice but me.  On the plus side, though, I got a lot of adorable clothes!  I needed new skinny jeans because my old ones were so stretched out that they could hardly be called "skinny."  I now have a new pair of designer skinny jeans, which while pricey are totally worth it.  I'm the kind of person who would splurge on a good pair of jeans because they're hard to find and the expensive ones seem to be the only ones that actually fit me properly.  But I've worn them several times already, and I've only had them for a few days.  I also got a pair of over the knee black boots that are flat so that I can wear them all the time, and my mom bought me a few things because she thought they were too cute to pass up.  I love it when she decides to buy me things...maybe she does it because I don't expect her to or ask.  She's a good mom.

I'm glad it's finally the Christmas season, and I can freely listen to Christmas music without any guilt.  I love seeing the lights, decorations, everything.  There were many giant Christmas trees in Chicago downtown, and I was so excited to see it all.  I'm like a little child when it comes to the holidays.  And now I only have one week of hell before my finals, and I'm really hoping that I'll pass them all.  I can't even begin to describe how much it would suck and how embarrassing it would be should I fail a class because then I couldn't graduate early.  Everyone I know already knows I'm prepped to graduate in March, and I couldn't imagine how terrible it would feel to tell them I have yet another quarter because I'm dumb.  But I have no one to blame but myself and my preference for self destruction over school.  I've already wasted the entire day in misery, cutting my hip and my arms in retribution for the few pounds I've gained, and now my skinny jeans are really killing the aching skin on my hip.  Tight jeans brushing over freshly cut skin does not equal a good time, but I deserve it so I'll suck it up.  That was my plan all along anyway, fully knowing what I was going to be wearing and how it would feel.  That's so fucked up, but I can't help it.

So now I'm going to go study, drink some coffee, and maybe eat something for the first time today.  Probably some Holiday Gingerbread from Starbucks...it's not exactly good for you but when it's the only thing you eat that day....I'll still lose weight.