Saturday, April 9, 2011


It feels as though I haven't updated in forever, but I suppose it really hasn't been that long after all.  There hasn't been much going on in my life other than that I've slowly gained at least 5 pounds recently due to excess bingeing.  This is why I need to be busy because hanging around my house all day, especially alone, is a recipe for disaster.  Therefore, I'm getting back on track.

I also whipped out my razor yesterday again after about a three week hiatus...the only reason being that I didn't have paper towels around my house like I do in my apartment at school.  Unfortunately, I solved this problem by putting a razor in the shower.  Even I admit that this is a bad plan because it makes things too easy and tempting, and yet I'm doing it against my better judgement.  But isn't that what we all do?  Constantly causing ourselves harm even though we know we shouldn't?  I still have no idea what I'm going to do when the weather warms up.  I have scars everywhere and can only barely get away with 3/4 length sleeves.  I'm trying not to think about that so, moving on...I'm going to read a few poems by my favorite poet (Edgar Allan Poe) and then go to bed.  This is probably going to lend itself to bizarre dreams, but I tend to have nightmares anyway so it's nothing new.  The other morning I actually woke up with a throat that felt like I had swallowed razor blades; I think I must have been crying in my sleep all night.  It would make sense because I remember that my dad had died in my dream.  It was terrible.

And on another side note before I finish my post, I'm planning on getting a new car this week if I get the job I've been going after...five interviews later.  I'm fixed on a used mini couper with a manual transmission.  I love driving, and the interior of a mini feels like a race car.  Amazing.