Woe is me

This is one of those mornings where I ask myself...why do I drink?!

I went out last night after having a small salad with a vinagrette and goat cheese, which I know isn't good, but it sure as hell beats a creamy dressing or more fattening cheese.  Plus, since that was all I had (in addition to part of a tomato earlier that day) and since I ignored the bread basket (yay!), the combination of alcohol and lack of nutrition is wreaking havoc on my body.  Naturally, I just bought a giant black coffee because in my opinion, coffee cures everything.  I think I have heard somewhere that coffee is good for hangovers anyway.  I don't appear to have gained any weight from drinking, fortunately, and I stuck to liquor instead of beer anyway.  At one point I actually ordered grey goose on the rocks, which got several stares from people...apparently that's not a common order...

I drink very often anymore because of the calories, so this was my first night out in a looong time.  But just felt like sharing with you all that I currently look like hell.  Going to try to sleep this off...at the pool...with lots of diet coke...

Okay, Okay, I'm Back

I’m sorry that I haven’t updated in almost a week; I need to be a more diligent blogger.  Right now, I’m sitting in Panera Bread, drinking black coffee and taking the occasional mousey nibble of a pumpkin muffie.  I love sitting here because I can continuously refill my coffee, people watch, and write without interruption.  It’s relaxing to me.  And I’m wearing cute clothes with a new pair of heels from White House Black Market.  Honestly, I throw on heels whenever I possibly can…I’ve worn them to the grocery store even.  I figure that since I have so many cute heels, I might as well make use of them while I can, right?

Anyway, so here I am watching other people scarf down their high calorie meals like mindless eating machines.  If anything turns me off from food, it’s watching strangers eating in public.  Some people have such horrendous eating habits, shoveling food into their mouths as if it is their last chance to ever eat or as if it will magically disappear from their plates if they don’t eat it fast enough.  Granted, I’m not one to talk since I have sat in my apartment before eating cookie dough or ice cream like there’s no tomorrow…but then I purge, feel terrible, and refuse to eat the next day.  Sometimes, though, I watch people eating and I just think how silly the whole concept is.  I wonder why people feel the need to get together, buy food, and enjoy consuming it.  I know that food is supposed to be one of those glories of life, but my love hate (more hate) relationship with it ruins this particular glory.  Honestly, I’d rather ignore my bodily needs and tell it to stop screaming for food because I don’t need it.  I do enjoy good food but refuse to eat anything that I don’t find to be spectacular…and a pumpkin muffie (290 cals) is truly spectacular.  I love anything pumpkin flavored, except pumpkin pie.  I really only like the crust.  Weird, I know.

Tomorrow, I’m going back home for the weekend again to prove to my parents that I can occasionally have a social life.  It’s sad that they pressure me to go out with friends, but I’m convinced that no one really wants to hang out with me…I mean, I don’t even want to hang out with me.  Unfortunately, I have yet to figure out an efficient way to escape myself.  I’m determined not to binge this weekend like I did last weekend.  I binged on toast…TOAST!  Of all things?  Really?!  What can I say, bread really gets to me, especially when it’s warm and slathered in butter and jam.  Ridiculous.