Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Can't Sleep

I must say, if anyone needs to stay awake for several days, they should just stop eating because a lack of food quickly yields insomnia.  I've known this for a long time, but I just thought I'd mention it again anyway.  Here I am, in the darkness of my room, trying to figure out ways to fall asleep and stay that way...and clearly failing.

Today (or technically yesterday since it's 2am), I had some strawberries, lettuce with fat free italian dressing, and a scoop of ice cream.  I don't know my calorie count, but I was under 1000 cals.  Normally I shoot for about 500 or less, but when I'm at my parents house I tend to binge so I've raised it slightly to prevent such a catastrophe.  One of my new plans to keep myself occupied has been laying out at the pool because I can drink diet coke all day long and never eat when I'm in a swimsuit...never even tempted.  I've always been that way, which was probably why the summer I was a lifeguard was hell.  That was also the summer my eating disorder started.  I would be on duty for 8 hours sometimes and never touch an ounce of food.  It's a good thing no children started drowning because I'd probably have been too weak to save them.  I remember that was also when my friends started noticing me getting skinnier (according to them), but I only remember feeling ridiculously fat even though I wasn't.

I'd also like to mention that finding a swimsuit the other day?  Practically impossible.  For one thing, most of them are already gone since it's so late in the season, but the other problem is that I have rather large boobs and a bubble butt.  And of course, since those two items are the main things covered in a swimsuit, that makes it difficult to shop for one.  Most of the bikinis were triangles or strapless, and I really needed a halter for the support.  It took several hours before I was able to get one!  It's decent looking, black and white polka dots, and the bottoms are slightly loose (which I like) so there's no muffin topness going on.  If only my upper region would shrink again...scratch that, if only my entire body would shrink!!!!!

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