Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Breaking the cycle

Okay, so I did well over the weekend, and now I'm stuck in my damn cycle of bingeing and purging yet again.  I think that's even worse than starving when it comes to health, too, because I always feel incredibly dehydrated, disoriented, and confused (not to mention a sore throat as well) when I purge.  It's really not good for the body, but it's sooo addicting.  Last night, I actually woke up in the middle of the night just to go to the bathroom and stick my fingers down my throat for no apparent reason...not a good sign.  Plus, this just brings me to a gradual weight gain as supposed to drastic loss like fasting or restricting, which is what I plan on returning to.  I've been talking to Arii, and we have decided that we both need to lose weight fast.  I mean, that's not shocking since I'm always saying that.  I have yet to get under 145lbs recently, though, and I keep fluctuating right above but just can't seem to mentally break through that barrier for whatever reason.  Technically, I could get into the 130s or even 120s before Memorial weekend, but let's be honest, I probably am not good enough or a worthwhile enough human being to be that successful.  But I'm sure as hell going to try.

So Arii and I are going to eat less than 500 calories tomorrow and burn it off in some sort of cardio workout.  She's focusing on her stomach and thighs, and so will I, but naturally I would also like to lose weight in my arms, face, neck, shoulders, calves, butt, hips...okay, my entire body.  My goal is to look fragile because that's my idea of beauty.  Tomorrow, I will let you know how I do and update you on my plan for the following day.  I think I'm going to be eating a lot of fruit from now on because that's how I best lost and maintained a lower weight in high school when I was actually good at starving myself.  Now, I just go through phases...still haven't had a normal day of eating since last year though.

Wish me luck?!

1 comment:

  1. Luck.
    I say eat carrots, its way easier to purge carrots if you do (sorry). But Carrots are really good because they have lots of water; so you don't dehydrate. If you buy a 2 pound bag and eat it in 2 days don't feel bad! Its only like 600 calories (I think that estimate is way wrong btw) (over 2 days... pretty good).
    Whatever... I just wanted to say although I'm a stranger I think you are a fascinating person. Healthier habits could help you, but do what you must...
    I'm sorry because it sucks. Purging sucks.

    Stay Beautiful