Monday, May 10, 2010


Thanks for your support, ladies, because I've been feeling really down and self conscious after my roommate sent that message.  I wasn't sure if I was inwardly taking it too personally or not, but I'm glad that I'm not just being dramatic or overly sensitive.  I don't consider myself a particularly dramatic person, with the exception of this eating problem, and the only thing I really worry about is my weight.  Unlike my roommate who, if listed in the dictionary, would seriously be synonymous with "dramatic."  It's really quite ridiculous, and I'm glad we are only living together for a few more weeks.  Just gotta stay strong...don't want to make an unnecessary enemy.

Today I binged and purged (ugh), but at least I did well the past few days.  For some reason, Mondays and Wednesdays I always do terribly because I'm sitting around at work, surrounded by food, for nine hours.  If I can stay strong on Wednesday, then that would be phenomenal.  I will at least bring work out clothes with me that time so I can burn all of it off.  Tomorrow, fortunately, I have three 2 hour classes, so I'm going to work out in between them, and hopefully burn off all this fucking food I had today.  I also bought more diet pop, which I live off of.  My mom has also been trying to motivate me to lose 15 pounds, which I plan on doing by Memorial weekend if possible.  Then I can at least lay out in a swimsuit...not walk around in it, of course, though.  I will never be skinny enough for that.

I thought it was interesting how my mom told me on the phone the other day, "I don't understand how you starve yourself," because I hadn't eaten yet and it was 1pm.  I didn't think she ever noticed that, but she doesn't seem to see it as a problem since I'm not incredibly skinny.  I think she won't take me seriously until I have a bmi that suggests I'm underweight, and I'm unfortunately in the healthy range right now.  How depressing.  I'm going to go study now and cram for this exam that I apparently have tomorrow morning at 8am?  Yeah, thought it was Thursday not Tuesday...oops.

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