Sunday, February 13, 2011

A fine line?

I saw my parents today, and a pleasant day was ruined by the final lecture I received before being dropped off at my apartment.  Perhaps it's a fine line between giving constructive criticism and being mean, but my feelings were hurt regardless.  It didn't really hit me until I was home, alone, and confused.  I ended up binge and purging (like I usually do after seeing my parents) and bought fresh razor blades.  Healthy, I know.

What my mom told me was this in a nutshell:  I need to take down the sign that says "BITCH" plastered on my forehead.  Wow.  Thanks, mom, I'm really feeling the love now.

I'm not mean or rude to people, but I'm not exactly overly friendly to people I don't know.  I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing when living in a big city on my own; it's more of a protective mechanism.  I just don't trust people that easily, and it's not like she's excessively friendly to strangers either.  But what I'm most confused about is whether I truly am a bitch or not...I never thought myself to be mean, but does my thick barrier that I've constructed around myself give off that vibe?  None of you would know, I suppose, since I've never met you...and you would probably think I'm a bitch by glance because that's what people have told me after a first impression.  Apparently it's my appearance?  If I wasn't so paranoid someone would recognize me (because with my luck they would), I'd post a picture.

Anyway, is it constructive criticism or insulting?  I don't know, but I'm hurt inside either way.  Not that I'd tell her that.

1 comment:

  1. Considering that your mom has called you window dressing to your face, i'd consider this latest statement an insult made with the intention to keep you as window dressing.
    After all, if you develop self-confidence, you might start demanding to be treated as a person instead of as a doll.
    Poor girl. If I lived near you i'd have found you and given you hugs.
    *internet hugs*