Monday, March 7, 2011

F**kin' Perfect - Pink

I love this song, and I wish I could watch the video on youtube...but after watching it twice and ending up cutting myself as a result, I decided that I really can't.  It's kind of sad that the video is just too triggering for me, but what can I do?  So I have it playing in a separate tap on my browser...still a little tempted but manageable.  I think.  I'll let you know tomorrow because the night is young.

Anyway, I've been addicted to UDF soft serve lately, and it has become a staple in my diet.  It's a good thing it's only a dollar and fat free and substituted as one of my meals.  I only have it at night if I'm craving something sweet and jut really want it, but I don't have it every day at least.  I greatly wish I could just not eat sweet things, but I have a such a sweet tooth.  I also eat muffins a lot...what kind of psychotic disordered person am I?!  It's weird that I'm so fanatical about losing weight and being hungry yet I eat muffins.  But here's the thing:  I only eat good ones that I know the calorie content of, and it's usually my meal for the day.  Sad but true and ridiculously unhealthy.  It's no wonder I feel like shit most of the time because I don't have any protein in my diet.  One of my classmates commented that I never seem to eat because we're always studying together at Panera, and I only eat muffes, yogurt parfaits, or a bagel (if I've been good, haven't eaten yet that day, and it's dinner time), and it takes me about 4 hours to eat any of the above.  I can't help but wonder if other patrons look at me and think I'm a freak or clearly have a problem...I guess it could be obvious, but it's just such habit to eat obnoxiously slowly that I don't even think about it.  Sometimes I'm too self conscious to eat in public because I know people will stare at me (but pretend not to be) strangely.  I'm especially self conscious when eating Starbursts because I eat each one in four bites.  One of my friends joked that the Starburst was just too big of a bite, but most people just choose not to comment.

Tomorrow I turn in my last lab report of the quarter, and I'm hoping to have it done early so I can reward myself with some quality Starbucks.  I'm thinking I'll have a low fat muffin tomorrow for lunch/dinner.  Mmmm.  I'm in a shockingly good mood right now...perhaps because my jeans were so huge on me today that they felt like sweatpants?

1 comment:

  1. Oh, muffins... I wish it would take me 4 hours to eat a muffin. It sounds like a way to be able to eat muffins, but still keep your calorie count low for the day. The only way to eat muffins and still lose weight, I guess?
    Alas in my case a muffin seldom survives for more than 4 minutes.
    I wonder if one can find protein-rich muffins?..