I love this song, and I wish I could watch the video on youtube...but after watching it twice and ending up cutting myself as a result, I decided that I really can't. It's kind of sad that the video is just too triggering for me, but what can I do? So I have it playing in a separate tap on my browser...still a little tempted but manageable. I think. I'll let you know tomorrow because the night is young.
Anyway, I've been addicted to UDF soft serve lately, and it has become a staple in my diet. It's a good thing it's only a dollar and fat free and substituted as one of my meals. I only have it at night if I'm craving something sweet and jut really want it, but I don't have it every day at least. I greatly wish I could just not eat sweet things, but I have a such a sweet tooth. I also eat muffins a lot...what kind of psychotic disordered person am I?! It's weird that I'm so fanatical about losing weight and being hungry yet I eat muffins. But here's the thing: I only eat good ones that I know the calorie content of, and it's usually my meal for the day. Sad but true and ridiculously unhealthy. It's no wonder I feel like shit most of the time because I don't have any protein in my diet. One of my classmates commented that I never seem to eat because we're always studying together at Panera, and I only eat muffes, yogurt parfaits, or a bagel (if I've been good, haven't eaten yet that day, and it's dinner time), and it takes me about 4 hours to eat any of the above. I can't help but wonder if other patrons look at me and think I'm a freak or clearly have a problem...I guess it could be obvious, but it's just such habit to eat obnoxiously slowly that I don't even think about it. Sometimes I'm too self conscious to eat in public because I know people will stare at me (but pretend not to be) strangely. I'm especially self conscious when eating Starbursts because I eat each one in four bites. One of my friends joked that the Starburst was just too big of a bite, but most people just choose not to comment.
Tomorrow I turn in my last lab report of the quarter, and I'm hoping to have it done early so I can reward myself with some quality Starbucks. I'm thinking I'll have a low fat muffin tomorrow for lunch/dinner. Mmmm. I'm in a shockingly good mood right now...perhaps because my jeans were so huge on me today that they felt like sweatpants?