Monday, March 15, 2010


I don't understand. I stepped on the scale after having less than 300 calories for the past few days, and I haven't lost much weight at all. I wanted to cry, and in fact I sat down as if I would. But I don't cry because that's stupid, and I'm not going to be weak...or at least, I'm trying not to. I have two finals tomorrow, and I work twice today. That means that I will be incredibly busy. So I'm not eating today or tomorrow. I'm just going to drink black coffee, tea, sugar free Red Bull, water, and lots of diet pop.

I leave for spring break in two days, and while I'm incredibly excited, I also have this gut feeling that the innocent friendship between my roommate and I is going to take a turn for the worse. She doesn't know that I have this problem. I hide it well. I know she is a good friend and cares deeply for others, but I can't be friends with someone who tries to be intrusive. I'm going to do my best to hide my habits and lack of eating, but as we will be together at all hours of the day, it is going to be substantially more difficult. I can just see high school happening over again...the worried glances, the attempts to make me eat their scraps, the fall out, and my epic search for a group of friends that, frankly, just didn't care as much for my well being. I've been afraid of the whole thing repeating itself in college and have managed to postpone the inevitable for such a long time now. But I think that time has come to an end.


  1. Good luck with your friend slash roomie, I hope nothing happens that has to break you two up x.x

  2. I know what you mean about ????... I've been eating so little and exercising relatively faithfully, at least some walking every day, if not more...and yet the scale is barely budging. It's so disheartening, and worrying as well. For me, at least. I'm the type that sees that sort of thing and immediately thinks the worst, like: "Oh shit, I've gone and ruined my metabolism, stuck myself in starvation mode, and now the only way to lose substantial weight is to fast CONSTANTLY..." Obviously this isn't very practical, but I'm not either. :P

    I hope your spring break goes well, hun...You could always fake a stomach bug? I dunno. Good luck!