Thoughts

Arii inspired me yesterday, and my blog has been lacking somewhat in my deep thoughts.  Usually when I am on campus during the day waiting between my classes, I turn on Neville (my ipod) and start writing in my little secret journal.  What comes to mind is usually some obscure thought that I had, but I have occasionally written poems or compared myself to a bumble bee…yes, that has happened.  Perhaps if you get lucky, I’ll post that particular entry.  I was feeling very philosophical that day.

But what got me thinking was how Arii mentioned how some people are very into their eating disorder and criticize other people who act differently than themselves.  This is how I see it:  Everyone is unique, no one acts the same, and people should be expected to act differently.  There are some people who do not take pills, like I do (not drugs obviously but diet pills, diuretics, etc.), there are people who eat closer to 1000 calories a day (which is still considered unhealthy) as supposed to a lot less, and there are people who don’t feel guilty every time they eat yet still eat very little.  There are so many variations in what people do, but it does not make one person any more or less “disordered” than another.  Or rather, I should say it doesn’t make anyone more “wrong” because let’s face it, we all have a problem.  This is not a competition, after all.

There are always those girls who sign in to Pretty Thin, claiming to have a disorder when it is clear they do not.  But what brought them there in the first place?  I cannot think of any one of my friends creating an account there because they are, shall we say, normal.  At the same time, however, there are girls that really do see it as a trend or something cool to do.  I have personally never met what people call a “wannarexic,” but if those girls try to fast or do what we do, they will fail because ultimately, they don’t have a problem.  I don’t think an eating disorder can be “caught.”  It has to have the right environment to feed itself to begin with.

The point that I am trying to make is that I am very open to all of you, whether you have an eating disorder or whether you just enjoy reading my blog.  Either way, I value your advice, your commentary, and your appreciation.  If anyone ever needs a friend or someone to vent to, then please feel free to let me know.  I will never judge you, just as I appreciate not being judged.

And I failed today…I was at work and on the verge of passing out despite massive consumption of coffee, so with a nine hour shift, I decided to have a granola bar.  Fortunately, that is all I’ve had and all I’m planning on having, and I am going to work out with my roommate later.  Burning off a granola bar is not very difficult, and I’m sure I will still lose weight when I weigh myself tomorrow.  And naturally, I’m continuing the fast after today.  Sorry for the let down, but hey, it wasn’t a binge or anything at least!  And for you girls who have still been succeeding, good job!