Sunday, April 11, 2010

Day 1

I'm currently listening to "Courage" by Superchick, which I highly suggest people download because it is one of my new favorite songs.  I'll have to add it to my little playlist thing on the side of my blog at some point.  Today is the first day of the fast, and I am dreading having to turn down two social engagements already.  Why does everything involve food?  I was really kind of looking forward to the whole "smoke while watching Life" thing today until I discovered there is a potluck being attached to it because, as we know, people have a tendency to get the munchies.  But to have all that food already there?!  I don't know if I could handle that or at least don't want to have to expend so much energy convincing people I don't really want it.  So for that, I am claiming to still have a fever, which I did have yesterday for a little while in the morning.  Also, I was invited to brunch earlier, but I only just awoke an hour ago...I guess I really was exhausted.  I don't want people to think I'm playing the sympathy card here, but I think the emotions of last week with my friend dying and whatnot really did take its toll on my body.  I try to not express emotions, so crying so much was kind of a shock to my system.  My mom managed to get sick, too, so I'm sure this isn't uncommon.

This is the part of not eating that bothers me sometimes because there are so many social things that I just cannot do, and when I refused to go out in high school my friends got the counselor and nurse involved. Fortunately, they can't do that here, and I have a different set of friends now anyway since I'm in college and away from home.  But I hate always losing friends because they don't understand; they probably think I don't like them.  But this has nothing to do with them, and yet I can't really explain it thoroughly without revealing this slight little problem that I have.  I want a clean slate and have desperately been trying to keep everything hidden so as not to go through what I did in high school, but this path always leaves broken friendships behind in its wake.  It's kind of sad knowing that nothing will ever last, and every friendship is doomed to fail.  I wish I could have a best friend, but I know I'll never let anyone get that close to me ever again.

On the bright side, I haven't eaten yet!  Granted, I've only been up for an hour but still!

1 comment:

  1. Don't withdraw yourself socially, that will draw attention. There is almost ALWAYS salad or a veggie platter at potlucks and brunches. If you nibble on the salad, and have a few other things on your plate people will be less likely to ask questions. I hope that helps!