Sunday, June 6, 2010


Thanks for the support, ladies.  I don’t know if you understand how much it means to me, but your comments are very dear to me.  I’m like a little child on Christmas morning every time I see there’s a comment.  My little brother is feeling a bit better, but I know it’s only a matter of time before something throws him back down.  I know there isn’t really anything I can do for him, and I can’t take away his pain.  I suppose for now I’ll just have to settle with being his sister.

Yesterday, I had less than 200 calories, yet I still feel guilty.  I guess because when I think about what I put in my mouth, it’s a very long list…just a list of low calorie to zero calorie things, like coffee, tea, diet pop, pickles, broccoli, gum, etc.  I even ate two marshmallows which I picked at for a very long time…they have no fat and are relatively low in calories.  Plus, I don’t like them all that much, and you can’t exactly binge on marshmallows.  At least, I can’t.  Today, I’m currently at work, procrastinating for finals, drinking a soy latte and slaughtering a green apple.  I’ve been using a plastic knife to scrape off the skin of half of it and then taking little nibbles of its flesh.  It’s been over an hour since I began my dissection, and almost the entire apple is still intact or simply skinned.  I’m sure, no, I’m positive, that I can stretch the life of this poor little guy for the next two hours of my shift.  It’s a great way to keep me occupied.  Perhaps, I should always just take a few apples at work and just start skinning them with the occasional small bite.  I tend to just eat and eat and eat at work because there’s nothing else to do, but this kills two birds with one stone.  Barely eat and have plenty to do!  Awesome.

I go home on Tuesday for a week or so since classes will be over, and I was just home last Tuesday morning for Memorial weekend.  I can’t believe how incredibly slow this week has been; it’s literally been dragging on forever!  I cannot wait to go home and check out this new brooding spot that has been occupying my mind endlessly over the past few days.  I am an epic brooder.  I will just sit and think by myself with soothing/depressing music for hours.  I really don’t need human interaction.  It’s overrated.  But I remembered my little spot randomly the other day.  It’s about a mile from my house hidden in these woods by the golf course.  A tiny little stream runs through it, and you can hike over some rocks to get there.  It’s pretty much in the middle of nowhere, and people don’t exactly stumble across the area on a regular basis.  I remember trekking through those woods many a time when I was little after tennis sometimes.  It would be a perfect place to go when I want to be myself.


  1. ok, I know this is probably gonna sound really desperate, but I read ur blog all the time even though i never commented (i'm just shy i guess), but it's really inspirational to me, and i'm having a really bad time right now and none of my friends are like me (or like u for that matter). You're probably loaded with requests but would you mind if we exchanged our email adresses and shared our experiences? I'm 22 and i live in Paris, France, my email adress is hope to hear from u soon, xoxo, Charlotte.