Okay, so I'm relatively proud of myself for not doing anything overly harmful yesterday. I had a pumpkin muffie at Panera, lots of black coffee, several diet root beers, a lean cuisine, and pb m&ms, which kept me under 1000. Obviously, I'd rather stay less than that and my goal is around 500 today, but I've been losing weight without having my sole focus be eating as little as possible. Of course, when I say that, it still consumes my mind, and I've been eating very little. I know that I tend to binge when I feel deprived of something, so pb m&ms or something else sweet have become a daily addition to my intake, and while it adds a little bit of calories to my day, it prevents a break in my personal diet plan so I've been losing more weight and successfully keeping it off. It's also helped my mind not think about all the foods I can't have and thinking more about what small treat I want to nibble on for hours during the day. I eat my m&ms in three bites, starbursts in four, etc., so when I say it takes hours to eat, I mean it.
I have a shit ton of homework that I have to do this week, including two written assignments for chemistry, a history exam, and a chemistry exam (which is going to be the death of me). Fortunately, it will all be over by Halloween but this week is going to be rough. And I know that I pissed off my roommate on Saturday night. I had a bit of a panic attack when we were at one of the bars and left. It's frustrating for me sometimes to be around so many people and feel like they're either looking at me because I'm a freak or ignoring me. I don't know which is worse, to be honest. A few guys hit on me, and one of the guys we were with, would then pull me away and pretend to be my boyfriend. But moving on, I just felt flustered, paranoid, and couldn't calm down inside, so I begged my roommate to let me walk home alone. She finally relented, clearly irritated, but she didn't say anything about it yesterday. So when I got home, I unfortunately binged a little and then...well let's just say it was difficult to walk yesterday, and I wrapped my arms eventually because the fabric of my sweater was really painful. Lots of neosporin later, I'm feeling much better and not in so much pain. That probably won't last...but it's nice to be able to walk without cringing for a day.