Friday, October 8, 2010

Sleepless nights

I decided not to sleep again last night, choosing to listen to music, drink red bull, and put off my homework.  I also binged earlier in the night and didn't purge because I'm trying not to get caught (my roommate was home).  The guilt definitely was weighing down on me, which was why I chose not to sleep.  I will be living off of exorbitant amounts of caffeine to make up for it.  Finishing chugging my black coffee now, then grabbing a huge sugar free red bull, some diet pills, and heading off to class.

Also when I put in my contacts, they burned my eyes and I had to take them out and throw them away.  Fortunately I had an extra set, but not how I like to start my day...although technically yesterday never really ended since I didn't go to bed.  I'm idly wondering how long I can go without sleeping, but I know I tend to start semi hallucinating when I go for too long.  My roommate is going home tonight so I'm hoping to do my personal self destruction in peace for once.  Pathetic.

Oh and side note, I randomly took a knife and carved "fat" into my forearm...I keep staring at it and am sickly proud of my little brand.  I shouldn't be, but I can't help it.  As if I needed more reminding of my overly large size anyway...but maybe I will finally get back on track so I don't need that reminder.  Thank god the weather is cooling off, too (ish), so it's easy to cover.


  1. Look after yourself, pretty. I hope you're feeling okay.

  2. :( sad face about the cuts.. but i know what that sick proud feeling.. i get it when i faint knowing i havent eaten enough.. Take care sweetie, i love pulling all nighters.