Tomorrow, we are making Easter brunch as well as an Easter dinner. I'm hoping to get away with not really eating it, but I don't honestly care about what my parents think anyway. I go back to school, am over 18, and frankly just don't care. My mom is always supportive of my lack of eating because she never suspects anything else could be wrong. I think she has this whole idea that no one in our family could possibly have a problem and sees everything through rose colored glasses. But just wait, give me a few more months of this twisting, downward spiral, and maybe her mind will be changed. I'm on a quest for complete starvation. I don't want to die...yet at least. Not until I'm thin, and then I just won't give a damn.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Did it again
There I went again, the sudden urge to throw up, heading upstairs, unthinking, no premeditation, merely impulse. It's odd how the concept of 'too much' can be skewed in such a way that a cup of cinnamon toast crunch is suddenly a huge amount of food that must be dispelled from the body. It was meant to be my late lunch or early dinner, but I couldn't bring myself to keep it down. Especially not after I was called skinny several times today by a family friend. The same woman also told me how beautiful I was, a compliment to which I looked away and made a noncommital response. I can't take compliments, and she told me that it was merely a fact and I need to practice saying, "Why, thank you!" She makes it sound so easy, but after years of being told I'm beautiful, I still have never found myself in agreement with people.
Posted by xoxoana at 5:50 PM