Tuesday, April 20, 2010


I'm sorry I've been so distant and sporadic with my posts lately, but I've just really been feeling depressed...more so than usual.  It's not so much that I feel sad but completely lost.  It isn't a feeling that I'm used to, and it's rather unnerving.  The source for this, I believe, is that I haven't been as controlled with my eating.  There's a pattern in my life:  when I lose control of my food intake, I feel like I've lost control of my life.  It's really not an unreasonable feeling, but it affects me in such a huge way.  Without order, I feel as though my life is in complete chaos.  And even though I've cleaned my room, it is not the right kind of organization that I'm seeking.  The only way to cure my current predicament is to lost ten pounds.  I really need to break through that stupid "145".  I can lose weight so quickly, dropping ten pounds in a snap, but then I put a few more back on and end up close to where I started.  I've only gained about five pounds back, which other people probably don't even notice, but it's all I see and all I feel.  It needs to go.

I'll keep you updated on my progress, and in three days exactly (because that is my goal), I will be back to a good weight.


  1. You know what, thanks for wording it like this. I think that's a perfect explanation as to why I've been feeling the way I have been recently-- when I eat crappy I feel craooy x.x

    I hope you feel better soon ^^ Good luck on getting into the thirties,

  2. i know how you feel exactly if i miss one of my gym workouts i feel like i dont know what to do. i try to double up on everything but i usally cave by not being able to finish my doubled workout goals or coming back to my dorm and eating everything in site. But what i do see thhat gives me comfort is the each day i get a lil stronger i can eaat less everyday my vision of what i waant becomes tronger and i think thats what helps me gain a lil bit of control back.
    good luck and please be so safe and remember mind over body (but dont totally ignor your body i just hope you know when its time to stop i hope we all know before its to late)