Still Waiting

I don't know how long I'm going to be stuck in this depressing rut, but I can't seem to overcome it right now.  I'm hoping that once I lose some weight I will feel a little better.  I'm a little afraid of the fact that I'll be living alone this summer because I will either lose weight, gain weight, or die.  Logically, it will be one of the three.  But my habits worry me sometimes because what if I do something that causes me to pass out or have a heart attack or choke?  No one would find me for a long time, and by then, it would be too late.  It's funny that I'm not worried about someone else breaking into the apartment.  Other people don't scare me.  The only person who scares me is me, and I can never escape myself as hard as I try.