Sunday, May 2, 2010

listening to tswift and can't think of a title

I'm still at a loss about what to do with my little bro, but I guess I'll just continue to be there for him and try to understand.  I like to think I'm pretty good with reading people, most likely because I've already gone through and still am going through a lot of emotional issues, and I'm really hoping he's just going through a phase.  I know he's insecure even though I always tell him how funny and adorable he is.  He has the best hair for a guy; it's those shaggy curls that are kind of endearing.  Maybe he's just still trying to adjust to high school and having new friends, and I know he has trouble not taking things personally.  He tends to feel like when people make fun of him it's because they're being mean instead of just joking around.  You'd think he'd understand by now since I make fun of him all the time, but I suppose it's different when it's family.  He was just singing (badly) "Love Story" by Taylor Swift, which is why I'm listening to it now on my computer in my room.  His whole cross country team is obsessed with her, I swear.

Anyway, I realized today that I forgot to tell you something crucial...I got bangs!  I feel like the friend in Legally Blonde whenever I say that, but at least I don't follow up the statement with, "I feel so now," or whatever she says.  I was just kind of bored yesterday when I went for my usual highlight touch up and trim, and I really like the new look.  The bangs make me feel a little less conspicuous and like I can hide behind them.  It's surprising how open and exposed just that little skin above your eyes can make you feel.  Hopefully, now I can blend into the background.  Of course, you have no idea what I look like, and perhaps one day when I figure out how to work my camera I will post a picture.  I mean, I do have facebook and could put one up, but only if enough people actually care.  Otherwise, it's way too much effort.  So the whole "bang" thing probably has no effect on you since you don't have a before and after in mind, but I'm excited regardless.

Tomorrow morning I'm going back to school after a relaxing and fattening weekend.  I hate how whenever I come home I's no wonder my parents would never suspect there's something wrong with me.  Half the time I end up purging in my bathroom, but our house is rather large, so my parents would never hear it from downstairs (and I have my own bathroom).  I think that when I'm home I feel safe and like I'm not connected with the reality of my situation, but as soon as I'm back at school, it's back to starving.  Perhaps when I'm home everything seems okay and in control, and that's why when I'm on my own and lost, I feel the need to control that one aspect of my life?  I don't know, I'm no psychologist, but it kind of makes sense.  I really shouldn't come home for a little while now to prevent any binges and lose ten pounds, but Mother's Day is next weekend...I'll just have to lose at least five pounds by then to make up for it.

1 comment:

  1. Your brother sounds cute-- and liking Taylor Swift? Aha, definite cool points in my book.

    Glad you like your bangs :] I love mine too; you should def post a picture sometime ^^