Saturday, May 1, 2010


Okay so I've been slacking on my posting.  Yesterday I was running on 20 minutes of sleep because I had too much coffee Thursday night and couldn't sleep.  But I have some good news.  First, I saw the boy I've mentioned before on Thursday night and he stayed over.  He was so sweet, and we've still been talking every day.  I like how I've known him for so long, we're both kind of dorks sometimes, and he thinks I'm beautiful (somehow).  I think it's adorable how he blushes around me, especially since he was the typical funny, popular, party guy in high school, yet he melts around makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside...such a rare feeling for me.  But I like to keep my love life kind of secret, so that's as far as I'll go into the details.  I guess I feel like it's too good to be true because in the past, whenever I get excited, the relationship fails.  This is a little different since we went to high school together, but still!  The second thing that made my day yesterday was that my mom mentioned that I looked like I lost weight.  It's true because I have, but I guess I don't notice it as much as other people.  I'm hoping to lose a lot more quickly, hopefully another five pounds by next weekend.

One thing that has been bothering me, however, is my little brother.  He's sixteen, and he sometimes gets really moody.  I know that's normal, but I mean, he gets really really upset...about stupid things, too.  Today, he had a party to go to, and my mom and I refused to let him go in athletic shorts and a tshirt.  I mean, let's be honest, if you're going to a party, at least wear jeans or something!  But he claimed that he looked weird in jeans...what the hell?!  Okay, I look weird in jeans in my opinion, despite my mom (as all mothers do) telling me I look gorgeous in anything, but for a guy to say that?  He's tall and lanky, so how could he possibly look funny in them?  And for the record, he doesn't.  So my mom and I made a run to the mall to pick up some plaid shorts for him, since I guess none of his fit anymore, which probably explains his constant athletic short wearing.  Odd that most of his clothes are getting a little too big for him...he still eats a lot, just not as much as he used to, and growing tends to slim guys out a lot.  I was a little jealous when the shorts we got him were too big, though.

But here's the thing that kills me:  part of his insecurity is because of me and I can't do anything about it.  I kind of have this fan club at my high school, even though I graduated in three years ago.  The current seniors were freshman when I was a senior, and they still remember what I look like; plus, I've been to a few of my little brother's sporting events, so even his classmates know now, too.  You would think I would be really stuck up about my looks because of all this dwelling on my physical features, but honestly, I just don't see it.  I don't want this to come across the wrong way, but apparently, my supposed beauty makes my little brother feel inferior.  I'm practically famous amongst the male population at his school, and he just feels as though he can never measure up.  He doesn't know that it's made me very screwed up and have unrealistic expectations for myself, not to mention he's a guy and girls would never make up a little fan club like that.  The fact that I am a girl completely changes everything, and the two of us can't be compared.  But it still makes me feel guilty, and I hate how he feels so self conscious because of me.  I had never thought about it before until he mentioned it in his little tantrum...

How do I make him feel better?

1 comment:

  1. I have no idea how you could help him feel better, but it's really great to hear that you care about your little brother's well being.
    Start casually complimenting him on how he looks to start maybe? :/