Sunday, January 10, 2010


*Not for anyone who is not pro ana, mia, or any other eating disorder*

I've never done this before, but I thought that starting a blog would be a great way for me to express myself.  There are a few things that you should know about me before I begin.  Firstly, I am a 20 year old college student studying chemistry.  I have only a vague idea of what I want to do after graduation, and I know that the next couple of quarters are going to fly by.  Before I know it, I am probably going to be another college graduate, struggling and failing to find employment.  But that isn't one of my biggest concerns for the moment.  The one thing that completely rules my life is my weight.  The fat that I can feel all over my body tortures me, and I will do anything to make it go away.  Thus, I am starting this blog to catalog my triumphs and failures with ana.

I weight 157.0 lbs, as of this morning (after drinking several cups of water, tea, and other zero calorie beverages).  That's one of the higher weights for me, and I am bound and determined to reduce that number.  Ideally, breaking 100 would be amazing, but I want to be realistic and set short-term goals first.  I am 5'7" and have a lot of muscle, which tends to make me look like I weigh less than I do.  That would be nice, except that I still look huge anyway.  When I weighed closer to 130 lbs, I would constantly be told how I should be a model.  Apparently, these people forgot that models are about 6 inches taller than me.  But that is beside the point.  I have a pretty face, and I am proud of it.  Unfortunately, you can't go around in life as a floating head, and there in lies my current dilemma.  After high school, I have never truly felt beautiful, and it's killing me.

Back in the day, I was great at dieting.  I always skipped breakfast, I threw away the lunch my mom packed me for school (wasteful, I know), and I ate mainly fruit for dinner.  I thrived on getting sick, so that I would have an excuse to only eat popsicles for several days and lose a few more pounds.  Eventually, my friends caught on.  And they told the guidance counselor, and other teachers seemed to get the idea as well.  The nurse took an interest and started weighing me on a weekly basis.  I came up with excuse as to why my weight would drop five pounds in just a few days.  She didn't believe me, but sadly I've never been skeletal so there was no need for them to worry in the first place.

Now here I am three years later, and I have never told a single soul about what happened in high school.  It wasn't a big deal, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to confide in.  My issues with food have bothering me for as long as I can remember.  I vaguely recall feeling overweight in fourth grade, and no, I was not one of the chubby kids.

Here's my statistics and future plans:

Height:  5'7"

CW:  157.0 lbs

HW:  ~190 lbs 

LW:  125 lbs

GW1:  140 lbs by March 15, 2010

UGW:  99 lbs

I hope you will enjoy following me on my journey, and please, if you are not pro ana, mia, or any other kind of eating disorder, then do not follow this blog.

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