Venting

First things first, I made the calorie limit again today. I had black coffee and light n' fit yogurt for breakfast (80 calories), a cup (not bowl) of vegetable soup from Panera and small apple for lunch (190 calories), and a bouillon cube for dinner (5 calories). In addition, I had my usual vitamins and calcium (45 calories), 2 pieces of sugar-free gum (5 calories), and sugar-free french vanilla cafe (30 calories), bringing my grand total to 355 calories. Considering my limit was 400, I think I did very well. I'm not sure why, but I was really nervous about making the goal. I've been so used to restricting my diet to the point of dining on my daily supplements, gum, and diet coke, that actually sitting down and eating lunch felt like such a shock. Friday will probably feel more like my normal routine since it's a fast day.

I have two exams this week, one tomorrow and one on Friday. I think that the fact that I can eat 500 calories tomorrow will probably be good for me since my brain is going to need a lot of energy for my hours upon hours of studying. Friday won't matter since I'll be done with my exam so early. However, one of my dilemmas will be hiding my lack of eating from my roommate. She asked me today how much I thought I've lost, and I said just a few pounds and acted like it was no big deal. I'm no where near being the stick figure that I am determined to be, but she tends to be a bit of a worrier and I don't want her to make assumptions, that while true, should be considered ridiculous. She had a friend in high school who used to be anorexic, so I'm hoping my habits won't remind her of anything...

But again, it's not like she can do anything about it anyway. To be honest, it is my body. And if I want to starve it, then I damn well can! I have come to a very strong conclusion after I laid in bed unable to fall asleep last night. The only way that I am going to fail the ABC diet is if someone forces me to eat, and I am not going to let that happen. What I put into my mouth is entirely my responsibility; there is no unnatural force that makes me pick up a fork and eat something I shouldn't. This resolution will keep me motivated, as I know it will be no one else's fault but my own should I fail. And if I look at things with that in mind, then I think I will find the diet much easier.

Nevertheless, I still need to keep things very secretive. I frequently make up eating previously to coming home, and my roommate commented that she never sees me eating anything unhealthy even though I claim I have. I tried to explain that since I work almost everyday, I choose to eat my meals then since it's free. I think it worked as of now, but I need to be a bit more careful in the future once I drop more weight.

Does anyone else have trouble with prying roommates? Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I've already gone through people questioning my habits and seeking more professional help back when I was in high school. As nice as it is to know that people care, it really irritates me. My business is my own after all. Any ideas for being more secretive, too? Please comment!